Wait WHICH C-word??

Attack of the Invasive CarciNOOOOma.

Soooooooo I have breast cancer.

Ya.

FIRST SET of medical boob squishes. WHAT THE LITERAL FUCK. Legitimately the last thing I was expecting at this exact moment in life.

Anyway here's some FACTS about exactly what’s going on, then a bit about how I’m feeling (spoiler alert: ANNOYED).

THE DEETS

Official diagnosis is invasive ductal carcinoma, the most common form of breast cancer, which starts in the milk ducts (sexy).

The “mass” is 3.2 cm, about the size of a grape, in my left breast. EWW.

This is considered “small” and “Grade 1”, meaning that it’s slow growing, which is good. (Grade is different than the Stage.)

It’s hormone positive cancer, and apparently this is the best kind to get as opposed to the kind from the hereditary gene kind or the “triple negative” kind (whatever that is).

SOME STATS

Stage 1 (no lymph nodes) is like 100% survival rate. This would be ideal. No chemo (!!!) just surgery and maybe radiation. Buh-bye.

Stage 2 (1-3 lymph nodes) is like 86% . Minor chemo and radiation. Not ideal, not the end of the world.

Stage 3 and 4 are wayyy more annoying. Fingers, toes and vagina lips crossed it hasn’t progressed that far. Still decent rates of recovery.

Long story short, it's incredibly unlikely that this will take me out. But it's going to be ANNOYING.

WHAT STAGE IS IT

They know the cancerous cells have spread a bit, but they don’t know how far yet, or if it’s in my lymph nodes. That's what determines the Stage. So short answer is that no one knows.

At first they said that they would biopsy my lymph nodes while we were doing the lumpectomy surgery, which is currently scheduled for May 19.

Then the surgeon felt something “palpable” on my left axillary lymph node during our consultation. Didn't love that. She then ordered an urgent biopsy, which I also didn't love. I will be heading to the hospital in about an hours to do that. JOY

A long and ill-advised reddit dive has assured me that swollen lymph nodes can happen for a number of different cancer-free reasons, so I'm working hard to convince my telling my brain to CHILL THE FUCK OUT until we have more information.

HOW I’M FEELING

Physically, totally fine. No physical symptoms are expected. I’m mostly just ANNOYED (are we seeing a pattern yet here?)

Not knowing how bad it is yet is stressful. Haven’t been sleeping well, which makes my ADHD worse. Luckily I don’t have like any super high stakes meetings pertaining to my business this week OH WAIT NEVERMIND I ABSOLUTELY DO.

Ok some level tho, I knew I’d probably have to deal with this some point. My grandma and mom both got it in their 50s. I just wasn't expecting it to be so soon. In a way, it’s probably better to just deal with it now when I’m younger and healthier and will recover more quickly.

Insanely mega grateful that I live in a country with free health care. BC apparently has best cancer treatment in North America.

I also feel super lucky that I have such a solid crush of wives, circle of friends and inspiring, magical community of colleagues. I sure as hell don't take that for granted.

WHAT I NEED

Wellllll …since you asked ;)

Three things that will make me LESS ANNOYED:

1. Not having to answer the same questions over and over. Posting updates to this newsletter/blog instead would make me so so so happy.

   This is an obnoxious thing to complain about because I am genuinely grateful that there are multiple people asking questions in the first place. That said, there's something about repeating myself a million times that my ADHD brain violently despises. It's the reason why I am a terrible tour manager and also why I've chosen chosen “Career Auntie” instead of “Human Mother”. Let's be real — my kids weren't going to come out listeners.

2. Not having all of my in-person interactions completely centre around this topic. Maybe we could just hang and then if I want to bring it up I can? Like I know this is a major thing, but I’m I’m not about to let it become the main focus of my life anymore than I’m willing to let my Instagram fyp become a cesspool of medical rage bait instead of bunnies and hot babes. YA NO

3. A $7.77 CAD paid subscription to this blog. Fun timing, it just so happens that my partner of 10-years and I amicably split over the winter, and holy shit it’s been a long-ass time since I’ve lived as a single person in Vancouver. DUDE.

   If everyone who I’ve been close with, performed with, worked with, been partied friends with — or maybe we don’t even know each other that well but something I’ve done has affected your life in a positive way — if everyone subbed, EVEN if its just for the time I’m going through this, it would be immensely, immensely helpful.

Now if my BUSINESS WAS ALLOWED TO OPERATE the way it’s designed to, I’d already be in a much, much better position if not totally fine. Let’s hope to god that my meeting with the Chief of Licensing and Inspection goes well tomorrow. (For the full backstory on that, sub to precious-list >>🎵💎 coming out on Friday).

It might even motivate me to throw in a juicy tour story here and there as well. 😈

AND — I promised myself I would leave my PayPal & E-transfer addy just in case someone out there wants to brighten up my DUMPSTER FIRE of a week: crystalprecious@gmail.com

Because at this point, WHY NOT? (Also because it’s my birthday tomorrow and I would legitimately be delighted.)

OK. More updates soon. Got to get to the hospital. I'm still so tripped out.

I love you so so much.

Xo CP